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This season's hot new look in the breakbeat community has undoubtedly been the Kappa tracksuit, perfectly accompanied by a small trickle of cocaine dribbling out of the right nostril. The catwalks in London, Croydon and Bognor Regis have been brought alive by the sight of numerous overweight, balding mid-thirties breakbeat DJs waddling up and down in this exquisite finery, prattling on endlessly and tediously about their latest remix. The closest most of them have ever been to having a pashmina is that blood-curdling layer of thick hair that men approaching thirty seem to cultivate.
But if you'd rather suck your own anus out through a curly-wurly straw than look like a breakbeat DJ, why not plough some of your hard-earned cash into the Fat Fashion Marketing Initiative, and buy a Fat t-shirt. They really are next year's sensation, and have had fashionistas prolapsing into their lattes up and down the country.
Gents: having had so much stick for putting Fat stickers on everyone's clothes, we've now made some special ladies Fat t-shirts. Now you've got every excuse for fondling your girlfriend's breasts and pretending you thought there was a sticker on there.
Ladies: let's face it, your boyfriend is turning into a bloated bore. Why not drape him in an extra large Fat t-shirt to hide those hideous manbreasts? He'll be so busy showing off it to his mates you can disappear into the toilets to give his best mate a reacharound. And if your fed up of being told your fat cos your exceptionally fit! we got some special super size me womens fit! fitted t's too.
Available in three sizes (small, medium and 'big-boned'), there really is no occasion too rubbish to wear one of these beauties. They're cheap, poorly-made, and if all else fails you can use them to wipe your arse with.
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